Thursday, August 24, 2006


Well, if you are still checking in....I am glad to know that you care. My two month sabatical from writing has been a very good journey of normalcy to me. I have been told by several people, including my therapist, that I NEED to keep writing, that it is how people keep up with my life...cause I disappear in real life too. Well, I have tossed it around for awhile, and thought about why I hadn't been writing, on an intimate level. I have found that truly living in the gray is something I have to dive into with BOTH feet. I have used my blog as an expresssion of the "crap" in my life, and to share my walks with anyone who might care. It had almost become a crutch for me to have some additional validation from the world around me. What I know now is that I miss writing, but I am not going to beat myself up for missing a couple of days, or weeks.

To bring you all up to date:
Job...going well, but I am getting some additional advice from someone who has been in my shoes today. Being an anxious person, it is difficult to work from home. I can find a THOUSAND other things that need to be done...even if they are work related, so that I don't actually have to make a sales call. That doesn't make for a profitable life for a sales rep.

Love... I have found it, on earth and in heaven. I have been able to LIVE IN THE GRAY with my Christian walk. (If you want me to explain this, I will be happy to) I love God, and am SOOOOOOOOOOO thankful for what he is doing in my life. Love on earth, well, I have had the fairytale. It DOES happen, and it is WONDERFUL to FINALLY know that this is right. I have prayed about it, prayed with him, and know with every bone in my body that we will be spending the rest of our lives together! I will keep you all up to date in regards to upcoming nuptuals....yep...I said it....we are planning on getting married. I could tell you all LOADS of stuff about him, but I just want to leave you with one thought.....he is going to therapy with learn more about me, and how I deal with life. Therapist has asked for him to come, and he agreed. If I could remember how to post a pic, I would put one of us up....I'll work on that.

Well, I hope to be more present in this blogging world...BUT you will notice a different tone in my writing. I have learned so much through this, that I finally think I have come to some sort of plateau. Life seems to be a balancing act, and I teeter still, but today...the grocery bags are of equal weight.