Sunday, May 21, 2006

Oh So Very Glad To Be Home

I made it home, safe and sound. Consequently, I leave again for more training on Wednesday. Mid June I will be home, well only will be traveling in my own state.

My life, it seems, is one lesson after another about myself. I learned A LOT in my four days of travel. It has taken me two days to process it all.

The recap: Therapist encouraged me to "open my eyes and take it all in". So, I did that. The trip to Dallas was GREAT. I had some fab time with God. Didn't get lost even once. (I can get lost in a bathtub...really, so this was quite an accomplishment for me. I flew into DC...the Ronald Reagan airport. (HIGHLY recommended to fly in there just as the sun sets...it was BEAUTIFUL!!!) I noticed that the "little girl" was VERY present. I even saw her when I looked in the mirror. It was almost like I had two personalities...hmmmm...maybe I should be in a mental institution...just kidding. She was there, with her eyes WIDE open. She was scared, but excited. When I got to Canada, I made it through Customs...whew...they didn't find the 95 kilos of coke I was carrying...again, kidding. Since I have never traveled alone, there was an overwhealming sense of being lost...and wanting someone to help me. I went to the area where the Taxis and shuttles are, in hopes that there would just magically be a shuttle there to pick ME up. HA! It was very late...and I think I was the only person that spoke english. (I wasn't sure I hadn't gotten on a plane to the Orient by mistake...there were so MANY cute little Non- North Americans! (Hope that doesn't offend...it IS well intended) Well, I spoke with the older Taxi guru...I KNOW that somewhere in me, I hoped that he would recognize my fear and just help me...WRONG! I eventually just grabbed a cab...which I was totally RIPPED off...oh well. Got to my room...and slept...I was EXHAUSTED!

Wed, relax...I knew that I was in the hands of my new boss at this point. Limo...yes, I said LIMO...picked me up and took me to the factory. Adult M was back, and there to learn, and earn the confidence of the people that I will be working with. It was great.

I didn't see the little girl again for the remainder of the trip. I recall having conversations inside my head in regards to the fact that I COULDN'T let her out again. I needed to make sure that these people knew that I am an adult, and a professional...I think this affected my drive home in a negative way. I didn't enjoy it they way that I normally would. Maybe that was just the exhaustion.

Notes from the trip...well, from the plane when the little girl was WAY present...
I have a very weird feeling that everyone is looking at me, and thinking I am an idiot. Ignorance is bliss, so I am still smiling. It is strange to KNOW that you appear like Pollyanna. I wonder why they are staring. Ok, slow down...this is just your inner child having self-esteem issues. The question is will I EVER get a grown up look on my face? Man, I can almost HEAR the little girl, and the anxiety monster. Name it, it is not that hard. Pray, and keep your eyes open, observe the world, you are not alone. Research the airline pretzels, they are good. - Oops, you probably can disregard that last part.

I have a LONG journey ahead...insert Sara Groves song....this journey is my own.

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