StarvingThis morning, I finished my bible study series on Hunger. Today, it was Hungry for His Power. I prayed this morning that I could be STARVING, for His Power, His presence, His word, His peace, and His direction.
I also realized something...I have always had a hard time understanding the bible. Today, something clicked. It spoke to me. I have 5 more lessons in my study...that has gone on for quite some time. I look forward to finishing it, and then to begin reading...I mean REALLY reading the Bible.
I plan on spending the remainder of Lent in reflection, and contemplation. I want to LEARN about God, understand His teachings and apply them to my life.
Giving up dating has already proven to be difficult. I am having a hard time deciphering between what I can and cannot do...can I talk to the boys that I have been seeing? Can I hang out with them? Last night, I avoided all contact. I will pray for His direction with this.
The funny part in all of this? There are several people in my life that do not understand. It is not necessarily that that they aren't Christians. One person told me not to put all my eggs in one basket (funny because I remember my brother saying this to me regarding financial investments). Another told me that he hopes that I find what I am looking for. Another told me that although she doesn't feel the way that I do as far as the hunger issue, but she can see that I clearly need something. I am having a hard time trying not to "convert" those around me. I will pray for direction with this as well.
The song in my head...very mundane, and boring, but it is the chorus to a song...all I can hear is Hold me, come on now, Hold me.
I also have a visual picture that is in my head while I pray...I think it is pretty cool, and hope that it clears so that I might be able to replicate it in a painting...it is a static-filled (like when your t.v. doesn't get reception) of my arms spread open...and I see Jesus (with the face from a picture that hung in my paternal grandmother's den) with His arms open. It is still very fuzzy, but it keeps appearing when I pray. Pretty cool.