Friday, March 24, 2006

Need vs. Want

Have you ever explored the difference between need and want? It is easier when you think about worldly possessions, but when you are deciphering the deeper issues in your life, the difference between the two is not so discernible.

I often say that I need to be needed. Well, in actuality, it is that I need to be wanted. I don't want to be wanted, but I need to be wanted. The ultimate goal is to want to be wanted. Casting Crowns...again...has a song that says...How refreshing to know you don't need me, How amazing to find that you want me. See the difference?

Now, in terms of my life...I AM NEEDY!!! I am trying to decipher between need and want with my relationships on earth and in heaven. It is VERY difficult to see the difference...especially when broken people attract other broken people...and the only people that I hang out with are as broken as I am. When someone calls you and says "I need you", my response is to drop everything and be at their beckon call. When they say "I want you", my response is to run...I equate want with smothering...AHHH what a whirlwind cycle.

Therapy yesterday...HATE therapy in the middle of the day. I felt like I outstretched my arms, hands properly facing the world...and said...Hang on...I gotta go to therapy. Trying to pause the world to work on myself...not fun. Did the world outside stop while I was in there...nope, sure didn't. So, we are back to weekly appointments...in the evening...oh thank you to said therapist for understanding! Ok, back to the point. Man, she hit me like a ton of bricks..again...she is so good at that..and yet, I keep going, and paying her to do it...that is truly screwed up...oh well...

Let's try again...(do you see how the anxious mind can take over...it is like ADD...but only in your head.) We talked about my two closest male friends in this world. (There, back on track) She was very quick to point out that if either of them were interested in anything progressing forward, they would have done so by now...AHHHHHH...did she really have to say that...there goes the balloon...shooting around the room...losing it's air. She also pointed out that I am hanging onto unreasonable things...reading too much into statements that have double meanings...and I take them the wrong way. Aaaaannnnndddd...full cirlce....to give an example of this....and these are her words...not necessarily something I have experienced.....when a man says "I want you"...out loud...it usually has a sexual connotation...women have a tendency to equate this to some sort of love...but it has NOTHING to do with love. It is just sex. When a man says "I need you" it is like a child needs a mother. Now, I am smart enough to know that these statements are not ALWAYS true to that, but I am closer to understanding the difference. So, my two closest male friends are just that...friends. They both tell me they love me...which screws with my head, but I know that it is because they care about my well being...and they want me to be happy...just as I do for them. What does this all prove??? The movie When Harry Met Sally is TOTALLY wrong...men and women CAN be friends...ok, I have to run, I have started the fire on the porch...off to burn my copy of When Harry Met Sally....

Have a good day! Oh..and I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

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