Sunday, February 26, 2006

Hunger

I have realized that my blog writing is very much like my relationship with God. When I am not writing, I am not praying. When I am not thinking about my blog, I am not thinking about God. So, when you notice my absence from the blogging world, you can pretty much rest assured that I am telling God to "talk to the hand". Although this is not what I want to admit, I have come to realize the reality of it.

Let's do a recap of my life since the 15th.

Romance - I have spent lots of time with my long lost valentine. It is a very strange relationship. We are both dealing with some of the same issues in our lives regarding work, relationships, anxiety, etc. The difference is that I have come just a little farther than he has at this point. We talk VERY openly about our lives. You could almost say that we are completely naked to each other, and there is a wonderful air of comfort with that. On another note though, I am COMPLETELY trusting God with this one. I don't know if we are to be romantically involved for the rest of our lives, or if we are just to be dear friends. Like I said, I am trusting God with that. The issue is...is he a divine gift, or a distraction from God's will?

Career - I am so bored with my job. I am not making the kind of money that I would like, I am not getting much satisfaction out of what I am doing. I struggle with my boss all of the time as I cannot make her "hear" me. I have an opportunity that has found me, and I am pursuing it whole heartedly, but with this too, I am trusting God. It is out of my hands at this point and I am trusting Him to direct me. The issue again....divine gift or distraction?

Religion - well, I went to bed last night VERY early...8 to be exact. I slept ALL night...for those of you that suffer from anxiety, you will know what a feat this truly is. My church partner will not be attending services with me, so I woke up and decided to spend some time with God. My bible study...that I was supposed to have completed almost a month ago, was wonderful this morning. It talked about being truly hungry for His will. The lesson spoke to me...as it always does (I wish I could remember that when I decide to tell God to "talk to the hand"). James Chapter 4 was the reading for today and I read the Message version. It was kind of like getting your hand slapped. It reminded me of what I REALLY need to be doing with my life. The author of the study is also a great inspiration. After reading today, I have taken a quote from her that I will write on my mirror to remind me every morning what my job is: "Your job is to be hungry enough to receive His direction."

Are you hungry enough?

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