Friday, February 03, 2006

Active Imagination

Sometimes therapy is great and it makes me feel better, sometimes it sends me on a whirlwind trip of sadness. Last night, I am not really sure what it did. I quickly pushed it aside so that I could hang out with some friends. Well, this morning, I am a little disturbed. We did an imagination exercise to see if my anxious mind is capable of relaxation. This will sound like hypnotherapy, but it wasn't. I listened to a CD that helped me to tap into my imagination, and to have a little vacation. The problem with this was, it was not a vacation. My imagination scared me. The CD instructed me to visualize myself walking down a set of stairs that had a large wooden door at the base. Check...no problem. Well, as I walked down the stairway, I got more and more relaxed...the door...open, no problem. As I crossed the threshold, I was supposed to see someone that I could ask a question of. I figured that I would see a God like figure or a trusted adviser. Quite the opposite. I was immersed in a red colored fog, alone. There was a distant dark figure that darted back and forth. This whole scenario was broken with "commercials" of children. Boys, girls, all races and ages. I do not remember anything after that, and my therapist had to "wake me up". I believe I was supposed to ascend the stairs again, but guess I just got lost somewhere along the way. I have never seen myself as a dark person, but am now questioning that. It was very scary. It is not something that I ever want to relive. I know that the issues of my imagination are something that I must work through, but it is easier to learn how to deal with the tangible, worldly issues...like parents, than it is to dive so far into your subconscious to bring this stuff up. Needless to say, I did not sleep well last night, and do not feel well this morning. I feel as thought I am on the verge of an anxiety attack at any moment...and my medication is at home. Neat-o. Well, that is all I really want to write about today. If any of you have thoughts, words of wisdom, or encouragement...I WELCOME them...I am having a rough day.

Oh, on a humorous note, I have ALWAYS had REALLY straight hair...it is now curly...natrually. I am convinced that anxiety can curl your hair. :)

1 Comments:

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