Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Rest and Procrastination

Why is it that I have a million things to do, to get taken care of but that I can procrastinate with the best of them? I was off work yesterday and instead of getting things done that I REALLY needed to, I did the things that I wanted to. Is it back to the selfish thing? Did I really NEED the rest? I am not really sure. I am a week behind on my bible study, need to pay my bills, haven't done my "homework", and the list goes on...

I think that when I don't want to deal with things, I just procrastinate. I did this in college. I put off things that I didn't want to do until I absolutely had to. The difference now, I am realizing that I procrastinate because there are deeper reasons for my not wanting to deal with them. Like the fictional fairytale that I am to write, I don't want to do it because I am afraid of what I might write. It is hard to be faced with digging deep enough to write something that you aren't sure you know about. I talk about the fairytale a lot. I know in my heart that there is a sense of rescue that most fairytales have. Do I REALLY want to be rescued? What would that entail? Does it only have to do with romance or love? Why am I so afraid to write it?

I had a conversation with a friend the other night. My heart hurts for her. She is so dark, so untrusting, so hurt, it is hard for me to relate because I am more of a "live in the moment" kind of person. She spoke about her reasons for not having children. She is afraid that the foreign countries will come back to get the "Superpower" U.S. . She is afraid to bring a child into this world that is rampant with immorality. What do you say to someone who is making life decisions and is at a crucial part of their life, but are basing these decisions on world issues, when there in nothing that they can control about the world? I understand her point of view, but look at it quite oppositely. I want to have children, to raise them the absolute best that I can, and maybe they can live a good life as well. If we all did this, would the world not end up a better place? What does this have to do with the rest of my blog? Simple. She also seeks the fairytale, which is a contradiction to the rest of her statements. In a sense she wants to be rescued from these dark thoughts. I guess I am just thinking here, about the good and the bad of this fairytale thing.

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