Saturday, January 14, 2006

The Question

"Does ANYBODY Hear Her?"

The answer to this question today is...no. Throw caution to the wind, live life in the moment, and what does it get you...squat. Is the risk worth it? No.

We ALL have an inner child. I struggle to know if I am making decisions for the little girl, or for the seemingly grown up Melissa. What typicaly happens is that I make decisions with some sort of clouded judgement. I send the little girl to play in traffic armed with a balloon (that adult Melissa filled full of anticipation, excitement, and a lot of hot air). Then I stand on the side of the road and watch. It is truly like an out of body experience. She does okay, dodges the big trucks, stops to pet a dog, and makes it to the other side of the road...waiting for me to tell her to come back. The casuality of her journey, the balloon. Adult Melissa makes decisions for the little girl in the middle of this quest, thinking more of the safety of the balloon than for the little girl. Inevitably, the balloon gets popped. For adult Melissa, this feels like someone took the wind out of her sails. They let all of the air out of her tires, they took her excitement and feelings and made them meaningless. Her balloon got popped, and all she has left when the little girl comes back is a string, and a scared little girl.

Dear God,
Please help me to take care of the little girl.
Love,
Melissa

If I stood on top of the tallest building and screamed at the top of my lungs, would anybody hear me?

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