I'm OUTI am OUT of EVERYTHING! This is going to sound like a grocery list, and I promise there is a point. I needed to get some of this off my chest so that I can realize the true point.
I am out of toothpaste, make-up base, powder, shampoo, conditioner, toilet paper, food, the all important ice cream, coffee creamer, vitamins, my meds, money, and almost out of credit. It seems like I get furthur and further behind every month. I am also out of sparkle. I live my life as best I can by the idea that if you can't look yourself in the mirror, you aren't living right. Well, after my hairdryer BLEW up this morning, I stood and stared in the mirror. There seems to be a sadness in my eyes... one that I have never seen before. I usually have a little sparkle to my eyes...and it is one of my favorite things about myself...but it wasn't there. Is it because I am tired, or lost, or lonely? I am not sure. My sister-in-law (one of the most amazing and real people in the world) often reminds me that sometimes God forces us to our knees. I have been struggling with my Christian walk. I seem to do really well for awhile, then it is back to my old self. Sometimes it's for years, or only a few days. This time, I feel like it is only a few days. I can't help but think that my "outs" are merely symbolic for the major thing that I am "out" of...faith. I also feel like I am out of time. I know that God will welcome me back into His arms at any point in my life...but am I taking advantage of that...is that why the sparkle is gone?
If anyone has some words of encouragement, or a little advice...I would GREATLY appreciate it. I think what I really need is a swift kick in the butt.
God, I am here, please help me hear. Love, Melissa