Thursday, January 19, 2006

I'm OUT

I am OUT of EVERYTHING! This is going to sound like a grocery list, and I promise there is a point. I needed to get some of this off my chest so that I can realize the true point.

I am out of toothpaste, make-up base, powder, shampoo, conditioner, toilet paper, food, the all important ice cream, coffee creamer, vitamins, my meds, money, and almost out of credit. It seems like I get furthur and further behind every month. I am also out of sparkle. I live my life as best I can by the idea that if you can't look yourself in the mirror, you aren't living right. Well, after my hairdryer BLEW up this morning, I stood and stared in the mirror. There seems to be a sadness in my eyes... one that I have never seen before. I usually have a little sparkle to my eyes...and it is one of my favorite things about myself...but it wasn't there. Is it because I am tired, or lost, or lonely? I am not sure. My sister-in-law (one of the most amazing and real people in the world) often reminds me that sometimes God forces us to our knees. I have been struggling with my Christian walk. I seem to do really well for awhile, then it is back to my old self. Sometimes it's for years, or only a few days. This time, I feel like it is only a few days. I can't help but think that my "outs" are merely symbolic for the major thing that I am "out" of...faith. I also feel like I am out of time. I know that God will welcome me back into His arms at any point in my life...but am I taking advantage of that...is that why the sparkle is gone?

If anyone has some words of encouragement, or a little advice...I would GREATLY appreciate it. I think what I really need is a swift kick in the butt.

God, I am here, please help me hear. Love, Melissa

2 Comments:

At 4:33 PM, Blogger Shannon said...

It sounds like you're trying awfully hard, Melissa. Faith isn't something you DO, it's something God does TO you. He hears you, because His Word says He hears you. You don't have to "make sure" He hears or understands you. I wish that God was in the business of dropping obvious signs in our path (like the "sparkle" you mention). He certainly works that way sometimes, but more often than not, He uses the "still, small voice" (I Kings 19:11) that we have to be willing to slow down and listen to. If there were flashing road signs, it wouldn't be faith.

I'm rambling. I have no idea if this has made any sense!

 
At 4:52 PM, Blogger Oliver said...

Just because you can be content with who you are or what your situation is, doesn't mean that you will STAY in that position forever. It means that for some special reason God put you in this place and in this time, for......dramatic pause.....you to LEARN something. In this case it is that you were lazy and now you are out of stuff. You spent your money on things you didn't need and now you are out of stuff that you do need. Pretty straight forward logic. Logic -- another of God's amazing creations! Who knew?

 

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