Saturday, January 28, 2006

The Challenge

I am very reflective today. I am at work, so this could be very bad for finances, but oh well.

I have realized that I have issues of self-importance, I have come to this by watching people around me, and their actions. To become aware of this, not very nice trait, in yourself is not fun. It is eye opening, and helps me to be more aware of myself. I have, through this, realized that I have to be challenged. I have to have a challenge to excel, or motivate myself. This is true in work as well as in relationships. When I am not challenged, I merely coast. I do as little as I have to in order to survive. This was VERY clear during my schooling. I was a decent student, but could've been much better. I chose to coast instead...until I was challenged. Well, my current job is not challenging. The only challenge that I face is doing everything that I can to make my manager HEAR me. In my opinion, she lives life with blinders on, and cannot hear. You would think that she is listening, but when it is time to take action, it is clear that she did not hear. I too struggle with this.

The point - I have applied for a MUCH more challenging job position, that will also aid in dealing with my self-importance issues. I currently feel like a monkey could do my job. I do not like that feeling. I know that we are all a dime a dozen in ANY position, but I struggle to not feel this way. I need the challenge to be motivated...and being in sales, motivation leads to money...which doesn't seem to motivate is the chase of the sale and knowing that I have served my customers the absolute best that I can. That being said, I have been known to send customers to my competition, because I know their needs would be better served by their product options. This is detrimental to my bank account, but vital to my mind. It helps me to sleep at night. This new position will be a slow interview process, so I MUST be patient. Knowing what I do about it, it sounds perfect for me.

I am going to spend tonight praying that God's will is what is done, in this, and other situations in my life currently. I would appreciate your help with this. Prayers, or words of guidance, or words of confirmation that I am doing right. I can take constructive criticism as well.


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